Am I good enough?

As much as I hate to admit it, I used to think that worship leaders, or people who held church jobs in general, were perfect people who lived perfect lives in their perfect house with their perfect marriage and perfect wisdom. When I attended Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, KY, I saw lead pastor and renowned author Kyle Idleman at a high school volleyball game where his daughter was playing against my school's team. He sat right next to me, and I suddenly felt incredibly pressured to look good in front of him. I told him how often I went to church, how hard I studied in school, and over seven years later, I'm still embarrassed. Why did I start blabbering about myself? What was I trying to prove? I didn't even cheer for my team because I was afraid he would dislike me. I admired Kyle for all I had seen him do on Sunday mornings, but a small part of me believed that Kyle Idleman was holier and better than me, and I had to justify my spot on the bleacher next to him. Maybe you've had similar thoughts about one of your church leaders, or maybe you've had a bad experience where someone in the church came off as elitist. Whatever you've been through, you should know why God chooses people to lead His church.

You might be thinking, "Dude, of course church leaders aren't perfect people." Such an obvious answer, however, is difficult to believe. When I applied and accepted a job at Southland Christian Church to lead middle and high school students during their student ministry services every week, part of me believed that I wasn't qualified. I accepted the job even though I didn't see myself as deserving of it. I was excited for the opportunity, but I know my sins and imperfections better than anyone else. I see all the bad sides of myself 24/7, and the enemy tempts me to cling to negative thoughts about myself. Every Wednesday and Sunday night, I have to fight off the thought of being unworthy. I don't want to be a fraud, but sometimes I feel like one because I know I'm not perfect. I'm a sinner trying to help people encounter Jesus...what?! Often times I find myself making comparisons, the very thief of joy, with other worship leaders, and in my head I hear, "I'm not as good as they are." The enemy tries to do whatever it takes to steal, kill, and destroy my heart and passion for Jesus. He tries to use my sin and imperfection to make me afraid of following God's calling, and he pressures me to be perfect. If I've learned one thing from my first few months of being a student worship leader, it's the fact that having a church job doesn't make being a follower of Jesus any easier or safer. If I am no better than anyone in my congregation, what qualifies me to lead them in worship? Am I good enough?

In the past few months, I've learned something about the person of Jesus. The truth is that no one is qualified to lead the church without Him. In John 14:6, Jesus tells us that no one can come to the Father except through Him. It is His spirit and presence within the church that turns the stage into an alter, a musician into a warrior, a song into a prayer, stage lights into His light, and amplified sounds into His voice. The only thing that qualifies the very existence of the church is Jesus. Without Jesus, there is no mediator, no Savior, no justification before God, and no resurrection into new life. All the justification I seek for myself as a worship leader can only come out of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. He qualifies me. Jesus is the One who left His followers with a mission to go and make disciples of all nations, so if you remember one thing about this post, here it is: Jesus is the only thing that justifies the mission of the church.

With so many denominations of Christianity, it's easy to doubt if you're in the right place and worry about what the truth really is, but the church doesn't have to be so complicated. The origin of it began with the call of Jesus to be the salt and light of this earth, plain and simple. The church exists to preserve and protect the name and spirit of Jesus Christ in this world so that preparations can be made for His return. It's happening whether we're ready for it or not. Whatever our role is within the mission of the church, God does not call the qualified. Our God qualifies the called. Christine Caine writes it so nicely in her book Undaunted, "God deliberately chooses imperfect vessels—those who have been wounded, those with physical or emotional limitations. Then he prepares them to serve and propels them out. He does not remove their weakness, so that His strength can be made perfect in that weakness." Those who feel a call from God to be a leader in the church, no matter where they are, who they are, or what they've done, should choose to follow and act on that call. Church leaders exist to follow the calling God has placed on their life to lead His people. They don't have to be perfect, and in fact, they never are. They just need Jesus.

Let's look at King David in the Old Testament for a quick second. I think we can agree that God's calling changed his life quite drastically. A key figure in the lineage of Jesus, David's choices weren't always good. He got another man's wife pregnant. Not cool bro. Despite his status as the youngest son of Jesse, God chose David to be the leader of His people. The story comes from 1 Samuel 16, "Then the Lord said, 'Rise and anoint him; this is the one.' So Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the presence of his brothers, and from that day on the Spirit of the Lord came powerfully upon David." God anointed David to be king of Israel, and David's success as a leader and warrior, as impossible as it seemed at the time, is a testament to God's sovereignty overcoming worldly impediments. The church needs less perfection and more anointing. In order for impossible things to be done, we need God. In order for the whole world to know Jesus and become followers, God's sovereignty and blessing has to show up in a big way. In order for me to lead His people, I must first be redeemed. Every morning when I rise, God takes all my inabilities and iniquities and fills them with grace. He has chosen me for something I can't do by myself, and I'm happy to admit that.

So, am I good enough to lead worship for a living? Yes, but only in Christ. He qualifies me. He calls me worthy, and He did something about it. When Jesus died for me, He made life with God possible. He makes my song not only meaningful, but He's the reason it gets heard. Through the working of His Spirit, we have the power to change each other's lives. The only thing we have to do is step out of the spotlight and let Him have centerstage. John 3:28-30 reads,"'I am not the Messiah but am sent ahead of him.' The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. He must become greater; I must become less." This is most biblical picture of a church leader - one who is willing to serve Christ in His pursuit of people's hearts. The One we serve is greater than us, and the enemy cannot steal my joy over that truth.